Under the Wig
by justastudent996
Summary: Under the wig, Under the wig, Darling it's better If you show us what's under, Take it from me, Up on your head it sits all day, While in the sun you slave away, While we devotin' Full time to discoverin' Under the wig!
1. The Deal

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games Trilogy**

**Okay, this is just an idea of mine. I've been writing weird parodies lately and this is one of them. The characters are pretty OOC. Anyways...**

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All morning the four of them has been replaying videos of the previous games to gain more information, survival tips and strategies for their upcoming games.

"I need to organize our schedule for this week. I will be in my room if you need me." Effie excused herself from the group.

"Kay, you go do that princess. We'll be here." replied Haymitch.

Once Effie was far away from earshot Haymitch got up from his seat and went inside the kitchen to get a drink. Katniss, who was bored out of her mind turned the television off.

"Are you bored Katniss?" Peeta asks.

Katniss sighed then replied "Yeah, We've been watching these videos since morning and I still have no strategy."

"Don't worry, I'm sure it will kick in eventually." stated Peeta.

The two relaxed themselves on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen; watching nothing in particular. Moments later Peeta got uncomfortable with the silence and he decides to break it with the first question that pops into his mind.

"Hey Katniss, do you know what's up with Effie's hair?"

"What do you mean?" She turned her head to look at him. She is clearly interested in that topic.

"You know... It's so big and remember the reapings. It sort of angled a little. I don't think that that's her real hair." He stated.

"Peeta, everybody knows that that's not Effie's real hair. It's so obvious but that does raise a question though." Katniss smirked.

"Okay, what is it?" Peeta leaned closer, suddenly more interested in their strange conversation.

Katniss smiled at him. Looked around the room if there's a sign of Effie then she signaled him to lean closer and whispered in his ear. "What's under that wig?"

"Ah, that's a very good question Katniss!" Peeta smiled in amusement. The two then theorized in their minds on what could be under those colorful and elaborate wigs.

Haymitch then returns from the kitchen; carrying two bottles of booze. He looked at the two teenagers on the couch and couldn't help but notice their smirks and the amusement in their eyes.

"Alright you two, what's up?" he asks. Peeta gave a questioning look at Katniss, asking her if he should tell Haymitch and Katniss nodded in approval.

"Okay, we'll tell you... It's about Effie's hair. Do you know what's under there?" he said.

'I was never sober enough to care...until now that is." He smiled at the two giggling teenagers.

"You know,hahaha-I-I think she's bald under there." Katniss said in between laughs.

"That's a good one sweetheart. Can you please elaborate?" requested Haymitch.

"Well, I think she was a former member of an all-women's biker gang that would shave and tattoo their heads. She eventually quit the gang but her hair couldn't grow back because of the tattoo. She then runs away from her own past by getting a job as an escort and concealing her bald tattooed head with wigs.

Peeta and Haymitch then gave her a look that can be comparable to this emoticon O_O before laughing out loud.

"That's nice sweetheart, really nice..." Haymitch said sarcastically.

"Really? Well, I guess we have different theories Katniss." Peeta said.

"Let's hear it then!" Haymitch encouraged him.

"You guys do know Greek mythology right? Do you guys know Medusa?"

"Wait! What are you proposing? That Effie has snakes under there?" Katniss asked as she tried to stifle her laughter.

"Yeah, you see I have this whole back story for it as well. You know about the weird surgeries they do in the Capitol right? What if snakes as hair were all the rage back then and Effie decides to get that enhancement. After putting a lot of thought into it she realized her mistake and how she has completely scarred herself for life, so now she wears that wig. It conceals the deep dark secrets that she dares not to show to the world but it is also a constant reminder to her of her previous mistakes. She is now but a mere shadow of her past self..." Peeta explained.

Katniss and Haymitch then looked at him dumbfounded; their expression can be comparable to this emoticon O_o

"O-okay?" Katniss replied. She questions Peeta's theory but she must agree that it is rather amusing.

"Fine! Don't believe me but I'm telling you the truth. I bet she's feeding them now."

"What does she feed them then?" Haymitch smirked.

"The flesh of district 12's past tributes!" he exclaims.

Katniss then gave him another look (O_o) while Haymitch facepalms himself.

"Remind me to win the games. I don't want to be fed to snakes..." says Katniss sarcastically.

"So what about you Haymitch? Any theories?" Peeta asks.

"Were you guys really serious with the theories that you gave? answer me honestly." he says as he gave questioning looks to the two tributes. He thinks that they are just joking but they both nodded.

"First of all, you're theories are not only unrealistic and weird, it's stupid. What made you think that Effie was an ex-badass running away from her past or a surgery crazed mess running away from her mistakes. No, she is neither one of them. She's actually a princess with magical long flowing golden hair. She got separated from her parents when she was just a baby. She escaped from her captors somehow, then she lived in the Capitol. A lot of people wants to seek her hair's magical properties for their own personal gain. That's why she wears a wig and thick layers of makeup so that no one will know of her true identity."

"Does she have a prince?" Peeta asks jokingly.

"Wipe that smug off your face Peeta and yes she does. She's waiting for him to come along to know the real her and return her to her parents."

"So she's Rapunzel?" Katniss asks.

"Something like that."

"Who is her prince then? You Haymitch?" Peeta smiled jokingly.

"Ye-I mean what made you thought of that?"

"Nothing.. nothing at all." he smirked.

"That's why I call her princess all the time..."

The two teenagers then gave him a weird look that cannot be compared to any emoticon then they laughed at him.

"My theory was better!" exclaimed Katniss.

"Is that a bet? I'm gamed!" says Haymitch.

"What do you mean?" Peeta asks.

"We'll try to get that wig off her head. Whoever guessed the correct theory will be served by the two losers."

"What if no one guessed correctly?" Katniss asks.

"That won't be necessary because I'm sure that I will win!" exclaimed Peeta.

"Don't be so confident in yourself. I have the correct one." stated Haymitch.

"Let's make this more interesting. Let's have a contest as well. Whoever gets Effie to remove her wig or at least get a current picture of her without the wig on will be treated by the two losers to lunch." suggests Katniss.

"Okay then, do we have a deal?"

"DEAL!"

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**I know that there's a fic out there with the same title -_- but I have already thought of it and started typing before I even saw it and besides our plots are different, so it's okay (I think). Plus, I'm too lazy to think of another one. I even made a song that goes with it. Inspired by one of the "The Little Mermaid: the movie" 's songs (Under the Sea)**


	2. Katniss' Attempt

**I should really be asleep right now but instead I'm writing Hunger Games Fics -_- Anyways, please enjoy this chapter and you're reviews will be much appreciated**

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Peeta and Katniss have just arrived from their training session when Haymitch walks up to then wearing a huge grin on his face.

"You two owe me lunch, and you're going to be my servants as well."

"Really? Where's you're proof Haymitch?" Peeta raised an eyebrow.

"Here!" Haymitch said proudly. He handed them a piece of paper with a crude drawing of Effie drawn on it.

"Haymitch that's cheating!" Katniss exclaimed as she grabbed the drawing, crumpled it and threw it to the farthest corner of the room.

"No it's not. Great, now I have no evidence!"

"It wasn't evidence in the first place." Peeta facepalmed himself.

"Ahhh, I give up. If you need me, I'll be drinking in my room." Haymitch walked back to his room then slammed the door shut.

Effie then walked by and questioned the two tributes on why Haymitch was so mad. The two merely exchanged glances then shrugged their shoulders simultaneously.

"Okay, be ready. Dinner will be served in an hour." she reminded the two.

"Ummm Effie... Maybe I can hang out with you for a while. You are my role model you know..."she complemented

"Sure, Katniss. If that's what you want. But I'm just going to go over our schedule. It might bore you." Effie knows that these aren't really the type of things that Katniss is normally interested in. Her complements surprised her actually, she always thought that the young female tribute dislikes her.

"Oh, not at all! That sounds pretty interesting actually."

"Alright then, Let's go." The two then left an upset Peeta. He knew that Katniss might actually stand a chance in removing Effie's wig. He was not too keen on the idea of loosing.

* * *

Effie was sitting on her desk; planning their weekly schedule. Katniss was sitting by her bedside; pretending to be interested.

"Effie that wig looks awfully uncomfortable on your head. You can take it off if you want to. We're just girls here right?"

"Oh that won't be necessary Katniss. Thanks for you're concern by the way..." She replied.

Katniss tried to look interested some more but she was just so bored, she couldn't keep that up any longer.

"No, I insist. It must be really itchy and hot on your_ bare scalp_..."

Effie was unsure if she heard Katniss correctly. Bare scalp? She kept questioning herself over and over again if she heard it right but she decided to shrug it off and assume that she's just hearing things.

"It's okay dearie; I'm used to it."

"Oh no really! I insist! I insist!" The impatience is detectable on her tone.

"Really Katniss, it's fine!" Effie herself was becoming relatively annoyed by the teenager. When she says no, she means no.

"That's it! I can't take it any longer! Just admit it Effie!" Katniss screamed.

"Katniss, your manners!" Effie exclaimed.

"Forget about manners! I know you're secret! You can't hide it any longer! This is not the real you! Embrace your badass side!" Katniss urged her.

"What are you talking about young lady?" her voice was stern with a hint of impatience. She was appalled by Katniss' sudden outburst.

"You! You're an ex biker right? Why did you quit?"

"I do not understand."

"You will Effie! When you're guts return, that is." Katniss then exited the room then slammed the door hard. Effie just stayed in her seat with her mouth agape.

After leaving Effie's room she kept mumbling on how District 12's escort was a total waste of badassery. When Peeta and Haymitch saw her they both smirked; happy at her failure.

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**A little short? Well, I'll try to make the next chapter longer... and funnier for that matter -_-. It's going to be Peeta's chapter next and I always seem to make him funny so that's a good thing. Anyways please R/R =)**


	3. Peeta's Try

**Anyways, thank you to those who reviewed ^_^**_  
_

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Effie woke up to a smell of freshly baked bread and strawberries. She fixed herself then she exited her room and walked towards the kitchen. She was surprised to see Peeta there holding on to a tray of freshly baked bread.

"Good morning Effie!" he greeted her gleefully.

"Good morning to you as well Peeta. Are you baking?" She asked, surprised. He doesn't need to bake, or cook for that matter. The fridge is filled with the finest food and fresh baked bread is delivered to their doorstep each day.

"Oh yes, I want you to try my own very special recipe. I made it just for you." he smiled at her sweetly. Effie couldn't help but smile back; he's such a nice sweet boy. If she would have children she wants them all to be just as nice and polite as Peeta Mellark.

She grabbed a piece from the tray. It's formed into a nice puffy ball and one could smell the strawberry jelly from the inside. She took a small bite and saw that the filling was made up of strings of coagulated strawberry jelly. _They look like worms... N-no, not worms, more like snakes. They resemble snakes! _She says in her mind but she doesn't want to say it out loud. She might offend Peeta.

"Well, it was quite good..." She didn't lie, they were in fact delicious; the tiny snakes just freaked her out... A LOT!

"What do you think of the filling?" he smiled.

"It was... rather interesting..."

"I see. Did it remind you of something?" his smile started to turn into a smirk. He plans on exposing her secret right then and there.

"They-they honestly looked like snakes but don't get me wrong; they tasted great." She said defensively. Peeta laughed at her response. Effie was dumbfounded by his reaction; she couldn't have anticipated that.

"But Effie, they were suppose to look like snakes." he stated.

"Why?" she raised an eyebrow at him. Indeed, this year's tributes are special-in more ways than one could ever imagine. With Katniss' outburst yesterday and Peeta's weird pastry there is no doubt that the two tributes are complete nutcases._  
_

"Effie it's okay. I know your secret. You don't have to hide it." he stated. Effie looked at the male tribute with her mouth agape.

"H-how? Please don't tell anyone." She said. She was very afraid and confused at the same time. How on earth did Peeta find her out?

"I just thought of it... Now admit it! I won't tell..." he smirked at her. There is just something about Peeta's smile that made her think that she shouldn't trust him but nevertheless either way the others will find out.

"Okay... I'm in lov-" she was cut off.

"No! I mean about your dirty little secret! Stop trying to run away from your mistakes, Effie. We're here to help you..." he glared at her.

"W-what are you talking about? What mistake? And please stop yelling. Your manners!"

"Don't play dumb! Just admit your snake problem!"

"Snake? problem?" she gave him a questioning look. She loathes snakes; she is terrified of them but that can't be the problem; a lot of people are too. Is Peeta planning to scare her?

"Yes, didn't you get a surgery to implant snakes into your scalp?"

Effie was shocked by Peeta's strange theory. She stood there with her mouth agape. She just can't process on how he thought of such a vile idea. _Haymitch! That's it. He must be posioning the boy's thoughts. There is no other logical explanation! _she thought.

After a few moments, she finally broke the silence and gave out a firm no.

"Ah, so you're the actual Medusa, a surviving gorgon... What vile scheme are you up to? Are you here to turn all of Panem to stone?" Peeta took a couple of steps backwards. He suddenly became scared of Effie.

"What are you talking about? Are you sick?" she extended an arm to feel his temperature but Peeta shuffled back in fright.

"Touch me not dreadful one! I dare not look at you, lest I be turned to stone!" he shut his eyes quickly and placed his hand on his pocket and scanned for a mirror. When he found it he directed it to Effie.

"Face your own vile reflection creature! Give harm no more!" he exclaimed.

"Peeta, your manners! That's extremely rude!"

Peeta gently opened his eyes and shocked to see a not-turned-to stone Effie. He was extremely terrified as he scurried away from her.

"It didn't work! The make up-it alters the effects!" He exclaimed as he rushed back into his room, dropping a lot of baking trays on his way.

Effie pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. It looks like Peeta's not as sweet as she thought. She walked briskly towards Haymitch's room then she rapidly banged on the door.

"Haymitch, we have to talk!"

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**Sorry, this one took a while. I wasn't feeling stoned/high/drunk/etc. (ps: it just sort of comes to me...) I also noticed that my Peeta humor revolves around him believing that Effie is a demon of some sort ( oh well). Next up is Haymitch's POV**

**Your reviews are much appreciated :D**


	4. Haymitch's turn

**Okay, Haymitch will be extremely OOC. Oh well Katniss and Peeta were... Sorry it took a while. Anyways...**

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Effie banged on the quarter quell victor's door. She wants answers and she wants them now.

"Haymitch, open this door this instant!" she exclaimed.

A few moments later he unlocked the door and pulled Effie in. She was shocked at Haymitch's getup.

He was perfumed and clean-shaven. His hair was combed and gelled. He was wearing a white dress shirt, a light blue silk vest with a cravat made out of the similar material and color. He was also wearing a blue-black coat and trousers. To top it all off he has a blood-red cape. He looked li-like a-a prince? Yes, because he IS Effie's prince.

"H-haymitch, y-you look well-dressed today." she said with astonishment in her voice.

"All for mine sweet princess. I merely wish to be good enough for thine. Thou art the day and I be the night; be mine forever, be my light. I will be thoust hero and thoust knight..." he said.

"I-I ummm... Are you drunk?" Effie could feel the heat rise from her cheeks. She felt happy and awkward at the same time.

"Aye, but I be not drunk with liquor or wine. I be drunk in the majesty of thine. Oh love, only to you I decline..."

"Th-this is strange... very strange." she says.

"Do thou not love me back? Give me thy hand; be mine princess." he says with sorrow in his voice.

"W-well, I-I..." Effie was lost for words. She loved him; that is true but is she willing to risk her secret for something that might just be a joke.

"This be a risky confession my love but what I say tis be true. I love no one but you..." he said as he kissed her hand.

"I-I don't know what to say..."

"Do thoust love me?" he looks up to her with pleading eyes. She couldn't help but to get lost in them.

"Aye, my heart calls for thee..." she says in reply.

Their faces inched closer to one another until they felt the warm sensation of the other's mouth. They kissed hungrily; they were lost in the heat of the moment. By the time they broke away they looked at each other lovingly; getting lost in each other's eyes.

"Effie, come with me. I'll take you back to your parents- your home..." he says.

She looks at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"You are a lost princess correct? with long magical flowing golden hair... Let me see it; I wish to bask in the beauty of my love." he says dreamily.

She recalls everything that has happened the previous days: Katniss' complements and her outburst, Peeta's pastries and his strange behavior and now- Haymitch's love confession and his strange theory. They all want her to do one thing; to take off her wig. Everything seems to click into place and Effie knows that now is the time to stop their game.

She shoved Haymitch away from her and walked towards the door. He looked at her in shock.

"Get the kids and meet me in the drawing room ASAP!" she exclaims right before she walks out of the door.

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**I like this chapter because it's full of hayffie. Next up is Effie's chapter and it also happens to be the last.**

**Your reviews are much appreciated :))**


	5. Under Effie's Wig

**LAST CHAPIE! I'm going to miss writing about Effie's wig *sigh***

**Since Peeta, Katniss and Haymitch all have their respective theories, let me tell you about mine: I think that the reason that Effie was so upset about mahogany is because her scalp is actually made of the same material and she's trying to hide it, hence the wig. XD**

**Anyways, let's find out if I'm correct**

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Effie walked into the drawing room and looked at the two men before her. There was fear in Peeta's eyes as he trembled and he clutched a mirror in front of him and Haymitch was staring at her dreamily. The two boys were there but where's Katniss?_  
_

Effie then felt a slight stabbing in her neck it made her gasp and turn around. It was a fishing line. She looked up and saw Katniss sitting on a ledge with a fishing rod in her hand. She smiled innocently at Effie.

"Heya Effie!"

"Young lady, get down from there this instant!" she scolded.

Katniss' smile turned into a smirk. "Not until you admit the truth." she said.

"Fine, stay up there then." Effie smirked back at her. Katniss just glared.

"Alright, can somebody please explain to me what's going on?" she demanded.

"You shall not make me talk vile wench!" Peeta exclaims.

"Oh my princess, my darling, my love, we wish to see thou's hair; the pathway to the heavens above. Show us the silken strands of sunlight that would fall upon the magnificent figure of thee. Oh love, I beg of you, let us see." Haymitch says dreamily.

"Will you two please kindly talk normal." she says.

" *sigh* Fine, I'll explain it!" says Katniss.

"I'm glad you've come to your senses. You can get down now." she smiles.

"Umm maybe later..." she replies. The hint of worry was in her voice.

"Anyways, we made this bet on what the heck is under that wig of yours and we're trying to get you to take it off. So take it off already so I can show this two that you're bald and you have tattoos on your scalp!" She exclaims.

Effie raised an eyebrow "My scalp is tattooed and bald... Really now? Are you sure about that Katniss?"

"See I told you she had snakes under there and their food... is our flesh!" Peeta exclaims.

"But Peeta, I'm afraid of snakes. I despise those horrendous slithering creatures and I have no intention of feeding them with anyone's remains." Effie shudders.

"So I be correct then. Thou is the princess of a long lost kingdom with magical flowing golden hair..." Haymitch says.

"Haymitch, I was born in the Capitol and my parents aren't royalty. I'm sure about that." she replies.

The three of them started arguing. They formed more illogical theories behind Effie's wig. Effie was getting irritated by the three of them Every single theory was wrong so she did what she had to do. She removed the wig from her head.

Three gasps were heard from the room.

"There, are you three happy now?" she questions.

"E-effie you you have hair!" Katniss exclaims.

"A-and their not snakes..." Peeta added.

"They don't touch the ground either." says Haymitch.

"And it's plain, normal, mid-length, slightly wavy and honey blonde." says Effie.

"Well, I'm going back to my room..." says Peeta as he walks away.

"Can somebody please help me get down from here?" says Katniss but she was ignored.

"Hey, ummm Effie... The stuff I said yesterday-"

"It's alright Haymitch. I know you were just making that up." she said with sadness in her voice.

"But I was serious... Maybe we can... you know... have a few drinks and just talks and such..."

"It's a date!" Effie exclaims with glee as she kisses Haymitch on the cheek.

They both turn red and start to kiss.

"EWWW!" Katniss exclaims.

"Oh, where are my manners... PDA is very improper..." she was embarassed.

"A little privacy please..." Haymitch says with annoyance in his tone.

"I'm sorry, it's not like I'm stuck here!" Katniss replies sarcastically but she was ignored once again.

"I'll see you later then princess" he says flirtatiously.

"See you until then..." she replies.

The two of them walks away, leaving Katniss trapped on the ledge.

"Man, my life sucks..." Katniss says.

* * *

_later that midnight..._

"Hello? Anybody out there?" I'm still stuck in here! Anyone? Haymitch, Effie, Peeta, anybody?"

"It's not funny guys... I need to pee!"

* * *

**Well, that's the last chapter. I hope you guys liked it. Please review :D.**

**I really don't know if I'll write more crackfics and comedy. People seem to like them better than my more serious works. I guess I'm better in comedy...**


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